Sisyphe aux dents de loup


Mexican wolf, the most endangered gray wolf in North America, photographed by Jim Clark (via Wikimedia Commons)

Sisyphe aux dents de loup

I persist in this struggle to baffle you,
sculptors of what should not be borne,
yet is shouldered, somehow, every day.

Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux,
said the Bodhisattva of the Absurd,
my protector in this ceaseless labor.

There is no end to this but the end,
and no reward. I am godless and free,
a body through which all light passes.

I could let this go, fill my pockets with
enough rubble from the ruined city,
walk into the arms of the waiting lake.

You could never withstand it, this life
you have never lived. And this alone
is enough to strengthen my back.

I grit my teeth again, in a lupine smile,
like all wild things once thought beaten,
returning time and again to diminish you.


I’m grateful to my friend Candice Louisa Daquin for penning a poem in which the line appeared, “How are you today? I am finding ways to end my life.” It’s taboo in our society to talk openly about suicide. Personally, my life without the thought of it on a fairly regular basis would be… bizarrely hopeless. Those of you who actually get that, you’re my kind of people. May we all find what we need to fight another day.

A little Andrew Bird to go out on. The fumble in the intro is perfect, I think; wabi-sabi in action.

7 thoughts on “Sisyphe aux dents de loup

  1. My Sister. I think you nailed it. We’re not even allowed socially to talk about it. I think if we could there would ironically be LESS suicides and maybe more honesty about those of us who feel that way at times and how the only stigma is the one that is artificial and imposed upon us by essentially those who judge. Even someone who says ‘to have a choice and to choose to live’ is to some extent without meaning to – judging because they are saying the one who stays is courageous by default the one who does not – is not. And I would not agree with that because there are many, many reasons people come to this point. The worst feeling in the world is when someone is then judged I would say that probably makes them even more likely to make that choice.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, my heart. There are indeed many roads, and compassion is generally lacking for those who don’t turn back. I am careful about whom I talk about it with because I know it will devolve into “Remember what that did to everybody”. Of course I consider this. But there is MORE than this. And more than one right answer. The conversations, however, disturbing, need to happen. For my part, it’s one more closet I refuse to live in.

      Incidentally, because you may be interested, when I was a teenager, I adored the character Kirilov in Dostoevsky’s The Possessed; it turns out somebody else has applied Camus to his philosophy:

      Liked by 2 people

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